When friends behave badly over and over again, people generally put up with it or walk away. I walked away completely from mayoral candidate Andrew Cuomo in December 2020 when one then two more women said he sexually harassed them as governor, then five, then nine, then eleven, and, counting me, twelve. He called us all liars. Having known him since 1995 and working for him for five years during the Clinton Administration, I witnessed his pattern of sexual harassment over and over again. I knew the other eleven women were telling the truth.
I also know that the story I’m about to tell is true. It reflects not only Cuomo’s pattern of sexual harassment, but also his cavalier and abusive use of friendship. I use inaccurate dates, names, and places to protect the woman and her family featured in this story.
In summer 2007 my husband got a call from Andrew Cuomo who said a mutual friend of theirs had been taking too many prescription drugs for pain. His mother had called Cuomo to help convince her son to kick the addiction.
“I’m so worried about him. You two are close friends. Can you help?” Cuomo said she asked him.
Sure, he said. No worries. “I’ll take care of this,” Cuomo said.
Then he called my husband to “take care of this”. Cuomo said he didn’t want to get involved, having been elected NY Attorney General in 2006. Kerry Kennedy had divorced him in 2005, and Cuomo had promised his closest confidantes he would be a better man going forward.
Meanwhile, we were about to take a camping trip with our four kids, and we invited the mutual friend, Tom, not his real name, and his daughter. During one of the camping days, when Tom is knocked out from the drugs, my husband found his medication and wrote them all down. Later that night, he spoke with Tom about his addiction problem in front of the camp fire after the kids had gone to sleep. I heard the conversation from my tent. My husband urged him to see a doctor about his addiction. Long story short, Tom agreed, and several months later all was much better.
Except.
While on the camping trip, Cuomo called Tom’s mother and asked if he could visit her at her home to talk more about her son. She agreed. She hadn’t seen Cuomo since he had been elected Attorney General.
The 72-year-old mother welcomed Cuomo into her house, and the two of them chatted.
Cuomo said, “I’m sure this has been a stressful time for you, worrying about Tom.”
“Yes. Very stressful but thank you again for helping,” she said.
Cuomo responded, “A foot massage would help you, too. I’m good at foot massages.”
Skeptical, she demurred. “No, no, no. Not necessary at all.”
“Please,” Cuomo said, “Let me make things easier for you, at least for a few minutes.” He dropped down on his knees, removed her shoes, and started massaging her feet.
She felt uncomfortable but Cuomo, she later said, was helping Tom, and she didn’t want to offend him.
Except.
Cuomo’s hands moved up higher from her feet. Onto her calves. Then above her knees, nearing her thighs, under her dress.
“Stop, Andrew. I don’t know what you are thinking, but stop. You should leave now,” she said.
He apologized. His massage, he said, didn’t mean what she thought it meant.
Uh, huh, she thought. “Go home. Grow up,” she said.
She spoke to Tom, her son, about what happened a few months later. He was upset and angry about what Cuomo had done to his mother. He wanted to confront him.
“No,” she said, “Leave it alone. This is just between us. You may need Andrew to help you find a better job. I don’t want that to change.”
Tom never discussed what happened with Cuomo, though, he did tell my husband and me about the incident. Tom’s mother, now 90-years-old, doesn’t want to talk about it at all. Naturally Tom respects his mother’s decision.
Cuomo will call me a liar again, that I made this up, that it’s a political ploy to further demean his reputation. If he says I don’t want him to be mayor, he would be right about that. I have a daughter and two stepdaughters living in New York City. They know how expensive it is to exist in a place they now call home. They want a mayor who will make their city more affordable and will treat women with respect, not just with a kiss or a touch on the breast or stomach, or a massage at any age, young or old.
For this reason and others, Democratic voters defeated Cuomo and decided in the primary Zohran Mamdani is the best choice for mayor. NY Trump supporters, Cuomo’s donors, and some moderate Democrats are in a panic about having a Democratic Socialist and a Muslim as mayor. I don’t understand why, given that his campaign promises align with what most voters want from their leaders, not just in NYC but across the country. Mamdani is a young, smart, and vibrant American ready to lead with plans for a more affordable and safer city. The other four candidates are much older with old ideas, embracing the old way of doing business in City Hall.
Also, Cuomo still faces civil charges of sexual harassment filed by two of the eleven women, and the current mayor Eric Adams avoided federal criminal charges after President Trump told the U.S. Department of Justice to drop them. Sources have said Trump wanted Adams to cooperate with his immigration plans, which has involved illegally deporting immigrants.
As mayor, Mamdani may or may not get what he wants from the NY Governor and the state legislature – free buses, rent freezes, and ways to improve the subway and help people who are homeless – but he has definitely opened the door to affordability, and no other elected official can close it now. Other Democrats needing NYC votes have to start paying attention to the working class and poor and stop catering to the rich and the wealthy donors, if they want to win. Mamdani’s campaign has empowered his voters to not only elect him but other candidates with the same agenda. Mamdani is a good place to be.
I don’t know why I maintained a relationship with Cuomo for as long as I did. He has been so cavalier and so abusive to so many so-called friends, like Tom. At the age of 52, when he became NY Governor and had what seemed like a loving relationship with Sandra Lee, I thought the sexual harassment had stopped.
He promised over and over again he would be a better man, but that never happened.
Karen Hinton is the author of Penis Politics: A Memoir of Women, Men, & Power and former press secretary for a number of Democratic politicians. She lived in New York for a decade. Karen is writing a psychological thriller about growing up in Mississippi with her three best girlfriends. The novel is fiction.
Imagine if more women felt empowered to publicly call out men who are exploitative and abusive…. I know so many shitty entitled men who have succeeded by being absolutely terrible people…
Holding men accountable for their BS should be the norm.
yes....